Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
