my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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