I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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