So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
