glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
