I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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