dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
