I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
