she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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