i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
