OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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