On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
you never un-have a 4some
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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