i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
