Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
