Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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