I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
