You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
