OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
A bitchslap is in order.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
