You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
