I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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