I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
