God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
