I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
