Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
