She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
