I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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