walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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