She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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