youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
