Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
