when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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