you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
