I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
