Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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