You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
