my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
