Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
