Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
