TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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