i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
