I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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