Who wears a wallet chain?!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
