Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
