I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
