her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
