i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
