We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm getting married
To pizza
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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