and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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