I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
