Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I have aggressive nipples.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
