He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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